This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
