So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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