Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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