in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
