people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
