I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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