3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm at about main and main street
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
