tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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