either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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