let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
