Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
