She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
