If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
