Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
