Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
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