what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
