I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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