AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
