But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
