Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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