Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
