I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
