Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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