you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
