He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
