fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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