my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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