He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize