Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
