Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
