did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Randomize
