Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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