Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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