my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
