Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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