so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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