Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
