By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
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enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
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oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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