If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
