I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
