I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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