this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize