Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
