Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
