And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My pussy is not your playground.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
