i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
