left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
