Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
