Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize