dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
