just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
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