Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
