So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
