Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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