Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
