Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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