Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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