The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Randomize
