he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
