woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
