I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
