Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
