You just made me feel so damn special
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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