can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
the raccoons are back...
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