I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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