Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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