toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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