Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
